I don't know, either.

Five years ago today, I graduated from high school. Some days, it seems impossible -- if I woke up tomorrow and rolled into Stimson's first period physics class, it might take me a day to realize that that was out of place. Other days, it's hard to believe that I'm that person and that those boys are these boys...we've been a lot of places since then.

I had lunch at Rico's today, our home base taco shop. It was full of underclassmen celebrating that school was out.

I was reading something recently about people who talk about what has happened to them instead of their dreams for the future. I think I'm one of those people. It's not that I don't have dreams for the future. I have many. But sometimes it feels like they're far away. And that I'm in this weird place in between great things. Five years ago, we knew we'd been having the time of our lives. And a year ago. And maybe, in the theme of senior years, three years from now, we'll feel the same.

But what does that say about today? I don't know, either.

Turpins take DC, day one.

We're finally in the District! It is so fun to be here with my mom and my aunt Pam and cousin Amanda and my friend Fletcher, seeing all the sights and sites and eating all the amazing food and laughing and laughing and laughing. First laugh -- this is the complimentary companion goldfish that our hotel supplied us with. His name is AJ, like Aj Macnearney, fictional President Andrew Shephard's chief of staff in the best movie ever, The American President. So, here's AJ.

Today we saw like 9 billion amazing places in DC but I took most of my pictures on my real camera and those will not be uploaded until I get home. We went on a boat tour on the Potomac, and then dinner at the fabulously senatorial Old Ebbitt Grill (where I forgot my wallet [and therefore ID] and had to take a cab back to the hotel to get it and get back in order to be able to have a glass of wine at dinner hahaha), and then we went on a tour of the West Wing of the White House! Amanda, as a staffer, gets to take people on tours of the West Wing, which is probably the coolest job perk of all time. Standing in the doorway of the Oval Office, knowing that my dearest President Barack Obama spends a lot of time in it....breathtaking. And standing in the White House Rose Garden and staring down the corridor that he walks down every day...from the residence to his office. And every image of Barack Obama and George W. Bush and Jed Bartlet and Andrew Shephard walking down that hallway...I love America. I love American politics. This election season is going to be ludicrous, but I know how I'm going to survive it. Every time someone says something crazy and hurtful and slings mud at my candidate, I'm going to remember that hallway. Oh, I'm going to remember that hallway.

The World War II Memorial 

The Lincoln Memorial

The view from the Lincoln Memorial is of the Reflecting Pool and the Washington Monument. You've seen a lot of movies and TV shows where the characters sit up on those steps and look out over DC and talk about whatever feat they accomplished that day. I blogged once about wanting to live in DC so I could do that. I don't live in DC, but I sat there with my family and looked and loved it. And besides West Wing characters and Bones characters, you know who else spent some quality time there? The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. And you know why that's super important to me? Because when I was a kid, my liberal Mama taught me about Dr. King, and I told her that I wanted to be a Rev. Dr. because MLK was a Rev. Dr. and I wanted to know what he knew so I could do what he did. I was like, 8. And you know what? Yesterday, I emailed in my last final to complete my first year of seminary. That's the Rev. part. I'm on my way, Dr. King.

Starting off the new year with a post not really about the new year.

I have always found dreams to be so fascinating. Where does the subject matter and imagery come from? My subconscious has some pretty boring stuff in it usually -- I never dream anything that is physically impossible (so no flying, no dinosaurs, no magic, etc.). And yet I still manage to have the oddest dreams. The last two nights have been particularly awful specimens.

Two nights ago, I dreamed that a dear friend of mine was in an accident. He reads this, so he'll remain nameless. I remember that there was a car accident, and then that he regained consciousness -- I don't know how long he was unconscious. So we're all overjoyed that he's conscious, blah blah blah, and suddenly, he doesn't know any of us. We all reintroduce ourselves to him, explaining our relationships to see if we'll trigger something, but he's lost. And because it was a dream, it was possible for him to have lost all his memory of us, but not of knowing his own name, or of speaking or walking or knowing what a hospital was or what a mother was or all other social constructs. It was as though he'd simply lost all memory of his relationships. We tried showing him photographs of us, read him words he'd written us, but to no avail. It was like he had died, but also we had died. Because as much as he had lost his identity, we'd lost the parts of our identity that came through him. It was a feeling of despair I have never felt from a real-life event. It was such a powerful emotion that I really feel like that scenario would be a version of hell (if there was one). I don't know if being in his position or mine would be more painful, but it was really unbearable. I woke up before there was any semblance of resolution, but I imagine that we just had to start our lives over.

And last night, in my dream, I was at a huge celebration with a bunch of people from CLU. I'm pretty sure we were in Lundring (hahaha) but it was way bigger. So maybe we were in Gilbert? I don't know. Regardless, there were a bunch of tables and everyone was eating and drinking and laughing and there was a presentation being made by ReShai [our trusty King/President, even in my dreams, haha]. The whole time I was flooded with memories of CLU -- it was so joyful. All I really recall about who else was there was that Ben was at my table. Maybe this was a dream about missing Ben and ReShai? [Maybe we need to do more work on being class reps.] But it got awful, quickly. It turned out that ReShai had thrown this party because he was dying. He had gathered us all together because he was going to die, and he wanted to tell all of us at once, and have it be the last time he saw any of us. I don't know of what he was dying or when he would die but it was imminent and it was devastating.

So what does this mean? Of course my life is defined by those with whom I am in relationships. That seems like a given. But why am I in such distress about them? Subconscious -- chill out.

In order to make this a slightly new year related post, I'll resolve to make sure to love my friends before they die/get in wack accidents. And to stress less in real life about them, so hopefully I can stress less in dream-life. New Year resolutions are so useless. But my relationships are always worth treasuring.