We just returned from Pres Host retreat -- it was awesome. It was pouring rain the entire time and the entire camp was totally flooded and crazzy...but it was an absolute blast. I am really happy with the new Hosts and I think it's going to be an incredible semester. Everyone is so passionate about CLU being their home and sharing that feeling with new students. I can't wait to see what these students will bring to the table.
Being home from retreat puts a few things out there, though. I have to unpack all my stuff from break and get ready for classes on Wednesday. 45 hours from now I will be in the first class of my last semester of college.
Is it wrong to just want to sit down and cry about that? I had a huge breakdown the other day with the boys, but I still don't think I got it all out. The idea that I'm doing all the "lasts" this semester...it's heartbreaking. CLU has been more or less my home for the past 3 years. Not that I didn't have an incredible time at USF that I wouldn't trade for the world...but I almost feel cheated out of the full college experience since I didn't spend all four years at CLU. it's not fair that everyone else gets more time than I get.
But of course I am so thrilled with the grad school thing and the moving on up in the world. I can't wait to be in Chicago/Berkeley in the fall and for everything that will entail. I am so excited! But at the same time, I will be devastated to get on facebook and see pictures of my CLU best friends at Orientation. Of my fellow graduates in their new places. To wake up every morning and not walk down Memorial Parkway.
But didn't I do this same thing when I graduated from high school? Wasn't it just as bad then? Do I wish I was there, now? No. But it feels like betrayal to think I could ever love someplace more than I love CLU. These people have become my family.
Of course I have my parents and my brother and Fletcher and Chase -- my immediate family. :)
But waking up every day with Bobby, Cass, Sam, Matt, Matt, Sam, Ben, Breanne...I have come to love them like I never thought possible. I have the best friends in the entire world.
And as much as I have stayed so close to Fletcher, Tom, and Nick from high school...that is quite a small fraction of the boys I graduated with. I'm scared to think that the same percentage of friends will hold for CLU as well. In that case, I'll be lucky to keep one. That, I suppose, is what terrifies me. The idea of losing those whom I hold so dear here and now.
And one of the resolutions I made was to live this semester as it's happening, instead of thinking about how it's all ending. I'm failing pretty miserably at that thus far, but we can pretend that since classes haven't started, the semester hasn't started, and therefore I haven't failed just yet.
Being home from retreat puts a few things out there, though. I have to unpack all my stuff from break and get ready for classes on Wednesday. 45 hours from now I will be in the first class of my last semester of college.
Is it wrong to just want to sit down and cry about that? I had a huge breakdown the other day with the boys, but I still don't think I got it all out. The idea that I'm doing all the "lasts" this semester...it's heartbreaking. CLU has been more or less my home for the past 3 years. Not that I didn't have an incredible time at USF that I wouldn't trade for the world...but I almost feel cheated out of the full college experience since I didn't spend all four years at CLU. it's not fair that everyone else gets more time than I get.
But of course I am so thrilled with the grad school thing and the moving on up in the world. I can't wait to be in Chicago/Berkeley in the fall and for everything that will entail. I am so excited! But at the same time, I will be devastated to get on facebook and see pictures of my CLU best friends at Orientation. Of my fellow graduates in their new places. To wake up every morning and not walk down Memorial Parkway.
But didn't I do this same thing when I graduated from high school? Wasn't it just as bad then? Do I wish I was there, now? No. But it feels like betrayal to think I could ever love someplace more than I love CLU. These people have become my family.
Of course I have my parents and my brother and Fletcher and Chase -- my immediate family. :)
But waking up every day with Bobby, Cass, Sam, Matt, Matt, Sam, Ben, Breanne...I have come to love them like I never thought possible. I have the best friends in the entire world.
And as much as I have stayed so close to Fletcher, Tom, and Nick from high school...that is quite a small fraction of the boys I graduated with. I'm scared to think that the same percentage of friends will hold for CLU as well. In that case, I'll be lucky to keep one. That, I suppose, is what terrifies me. The idea of losing those whom I hold so dear here and now.
And one of the resolutions I made was to live this semester as it's happening, instead of thinking about how it's all ending. I'm failing pretty miserably at that thus far, but we can pretend that since classes haven't started, the semester hasn't started, and therefore I haven't failed just yet.