Hoping for Fish and Fishing for Hope

If you have not been to seminary, you may not know that they teach us a lot of different things. We learn about scripture, tradition, and church history, of course. And we learn how to properly set the communion table, and how to not drop a baby during a baptism, and how to read Greek or Hebrew, and how to provide a non-anxious presence during a tense vestry meeting.

It differs, of course, by denomination, but I spent two years in the classroom in Berkeley, including a summer as a hospital chaplaincy intern, followed by a year-long practical internship in Colorado followed by a final year back in the classroom in Berkeley. I learned to preach and teach and pray with the people of God, entrusted to me as their pastor.

They did not, at any point, teach me to fish. And yet, here I am, about to interpret a story about fishing.

In our Gospel story this morning, Jesus is at the lake, doing what he was known for doing—proclaiming the good news, that the reign of God had come near. Teaching people that they were beloved, and that as God’s beloved, they had responsibilities to one another. If the entirety of our scripture is any indication, he was probably doing this via extended metaphors and cryptic parables. On this particular morning, he was also confusing some fisherman.

Simon, as well as his fishing comrades, the brothers James and John, have been fishing all night and have come up short. They, and presumably others, have been on the lake for hours, doing the grueling and unglamorous work of catching fish for their families and their neighbors.

The story that many of the fishermen on this lake are telling themselves, each other, and probably others, is that there is no hope. There are no fish. “We have worked all night long and have caught nothing.” They’re cleaning their nets, they’re packing up, they’re going home.

And Simon is not naive, he knows what a night of complete loss means for his family. He is perhaps trying to recall how much food was left in the house, how many coins stashed away. Thinking of alternate strategies for the next night of fishing. Should they try a different part of the lake? Should they try a different net? Should they try a different time? How can they adapt? What if they fail?

But Jesus interrupts that distress and says “put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” Simon explains the reality of the situation, but then says “Yet, if you say so, I will let down the nets.” Simon may be lacking in riches, and in the current moment, decidedly lacking in fish. But Simon has hope. When Jesus instructs him to keep trying, Simon could have said, “there are no fish. And if we try again we will have to clean our nets all over again, and my already-sore back will be aching, and we’ll be even later getting home, and we will still not have any fish.” This would not have been unreasonable, frankly. It is simpler to cut your losses and go home.

But last week, Pamela told us that the Apostle Paul told us that faith, hope, and love abide—notice that “cynicism” is not on that list, nor is “giving up” or “giving in”. Packing up your toys and getting out of the sandbox is not generally a fruit of the Spirit.

It is so much easier to be pessimistic about our world. What’s really difficult, what’s really contrarian, is pushing ourselves to hope for what is possible.

I imagine Simon taking a deep breath, pushing back the nay-saying voices in his boat and even in his own heart, and casting that net into the water one more time.

I imagine the awkward silence, as they all wait for something to happen. So far, in the Gospel According to Luke, there are stories and rumors spreading about who Jesus is and what he says and does. He has been teaching in synagogues and being “praised by everyone” it says in chapter 4. He has also been unceremoniously run out of town for daring to proclaim that he is the embodiment of the promises of God. He has also cast demons out of people possessed, and healed hordes of weary people. It is with this reputation that Jesus says, “let down your nets”.

The story doesn’t say how long the nets were in the water, but at some point they were teeming with fish, so much so that they could hardly carry the weight. Simon is afraid, as he cannot comprehend how this is possible. But he doesn’t throw up his hands and say “where were those fish three hours ago?” He falls to the ground at Jesus’ feet and claims that he is too sinful to deserve such a miracle. Jesus is, as we know, in the business of grace and abundance, and so this net full of fish is merely the beginning.

Simon, John, and James bring their boats to shore and join with Jesus on the way. That’s it. That’s how these lowly fishermen become part of the greatest story ever told. They have hope for their future, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. So they change their lives in order to be a part of the future they hope for.

You have not been told by Jesus to continue fishing when there are no fish. But you have been told by Jesus to love your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. And you have been told to do that when you are heartbroken, and soul-weary, and your mind is numb and your strength is failing. And when you scarcely love yourself, let alone your neighbor. You have been invited and commanded by the God who is and who was and who is to come, to trust in the truth of your belovedness and your worthiness.

We have all been given this commandment, and we have all received this invitation. And we are all languishing. We are approaching the third March of this pandemic, during which we have suffered to differing degrees but we have all suffered. We are living in a country that seems to be holding on by a thread.

This may feel like absolutely the incorrect time for your preacher to insist upon hope. “Take heart!” I say. You roll your eyes. But hope is a discipline. I first heard that axiom from one of my personal heroes, Mariame Kaba, a Black muslim woman, who is a prison-industrial-complex abolitionist. She has seen the worst of our inhumanity in her decades of work, and yet she continues every day, with hope. And Saint Pauli Murray, a trailblazing Black and indigenous Episcopal priest, wrote that “hope is a song in a weary throat.”

We are called to hope, even and especially when it seems impossible. We are called to build God’s beloved community together out of hope and truth and trust and whatever else we’ve got lying around.

One of the ways that we can and must work toward a better future together is being honest about our collective past. It’s likely that this week in the news you’ve encountered something about anti-semitism and something about antiblackness. That’s actually probably true every week.

The previous week included Holocaust Remembrance Day, on which a school board in Tennessee decided to ban Maus, the Pulitzer-Prize-winning graphic novel detailing the events of the Shoah for a middle-grade audience. I own a copy of both volumes of Art Speigelman’s masterpiece, I read them in high school, and they are crucial to our children’s understanding of the horrors of antisemitism in a format appropriate for their cognitive and emotional development. Book banning is always a travesty and is always fascist.

Don’t get me wrong, there are books that I don’t think should have been published, because they contain dangerous lies and enrich dangerous liars by their sales, but they are free to be published alongside the truth. And we should ignore those books, and instead pick up books like Maus, that tell the truths we find hard to read. When we do that, we keep our history alive, even when it hurts.

We teach our children and ourselves about what was done in the name of power and greed and hatred and bigotry, and we do everything in our own power to prevent it from happening again. We have to understand the harsh realities of our history and apply that understanding to modern problems. And we have to do that alongside our hope for a world in which those realities are seen as unrepeatable atrocities.

Because we have not done that, we have raised a generation who denies the Holocaust and who disregards how antisemitism still runs rampant in our world. And that generation is raising another who holds even more firmly to those dangerous lies, and uses that unsound framework to make sense of the rest of the world.

This is apparent this week because Whoopi Goldberg, in her role as a host of The View, claimed that the Holocaust was not about racism because Jewishness is not a race. And Whoopi, who is a Black woman, was suspended from the show. Meanwhile, her costars and hosts of the past, largely white women, have made other inaccurate and harmful claims—including racist, homophobic, transphobic, classist, and other bigoted remarks—while facing little to no actual repercussions. Perhaps they’ve been “canceled” on twitter or something, but they’ve kept their jobs.

While Whoopi’s statement is factually inaccurate, her being singled out for consequences is also a problem. While it is true that people of all races can be Jewish, it is not true that Jews have not been racialized, and that the genocide perpetrated against them and others by Hitler was about their collective ethnicity more than it was about their religious beliefs. It was about creating a master race of people. Whoopi’s experience of race and racism as a Black woman in the 2020s is different from Jews in the 1940s. Both experiences are the result of white supremacy.

This nuance is hard to grapple with in our age of binary, black-and-white thinking and sound bytes for television shows like The View. It is important for us to know more than one sentence or one paragraph about the deadliest events in our world history, even though it is uncomfortable, and even though we feel generations or continents removed.

The legacy of the Shoah continues in antisemitic violence across the world. The legacy of genocide against the indigenous peoples of North America and against enslaved Africans continues in racialized violence, poverty, and oppression throughout our nation’s laws and our social order.

In our liturgy, we have ritualized confession and absolution. Every week, we name aloud our sins to our God, and we are assured of our forgiveness. In order to move ourselves, our nation, and our world forward into the fullness of the future that is possible, we have to begin with confession of sin.

We also commit to humble repentance. Every week. We must learn about what harms we have perpetrated or what harms we have benefited from, and we must tell the truth about those harms, and we must commit to putting an end to those harms.

We must be repairers of the breach.

Tomorrow evening, Carole Hom and I will host an information session about our upcoming Sacred Ground circle. This will be an opportunity for anyone who is interested to learn more about the curriculum, our planned schedule, logistics, all that good stuff. You can read all kinds of information about what Sacred Ground is, via the links that have been in the announcements and newsletters lately. But what I am going to take this opportunity to explain this morning is why you should join us.

For the next few months, we’ll be meeting every three weeks, having done some assigned reading and watching on the history and legacy of whiteness, of the indigenous peoples of this land, of Black Americans, Asian Americans, Latin Americans, and what it means for our present and our future.

We will be open and vulnerable and honest with one another about what we didn’t know before, and about what we will do with what we are learning. We will support each other in the struggle to understand our complicity in these realities. Especially if you are a white person, for whom this curriculum is largely designed, you will be invited to reflect deeply on the nation you have inherited.

We will do this so that we can move forward together in hope. You may presume that we can move forward together without looking to the past. But without a firm grasp of the eras that have felt hopeless, we cannot begin to fathom the degree of disciplined hope we will need to practice. We could instead move forward with reckless optimism, presuming that the past is behind us and all that matters is our good intentions and positive vibes.

Conversely, you could be of the opinion that it’s too late. That the harms are so large that reparations are impossible. That there is no way forward.

Womanist theologians (Black feminists) say that God "makes a way out of no way". Following the example of some fishermen, we will trust that God is making a way. We will trust that the way forward is together, in hope. Amen.

Lent/Borrowed

Six weeks ago, after reading this post, I pledged to spend my Lenten season fasting from white media. This was daunting, because most media is white media. I am white, and so most of what I come into contact with is white. That's the nature of our world, today.

In the past six weeks, I have not stopped learning. And if you know me, you know that learning is my number one love. It has been exhausting and by no means exhaustive, but I have been changed. Here's how:

Reading

You, dear reader, know that reading is so dear to me. This seemed like the obvious foray into my Lenten fast. I decided that I would read only the words of people of color--books, blogs, news, poetry, journalism, you name it.


I started with Saeed Jones' newest poetry collection, Prelude to Bruise. If you're not familiar with Saeed, he used to be Buzzfeed's LGBTQ editor, but was recently crowned their literary editor. He's what's up. This collection was challenging to me--Saeed and I have not lived the same life, you know. Prelude to Bruise is bold and beautiful. If you're thumbing through it, I scribbled the most on "Ketamine & Company" and "Highway 407".

After I ripped through that poetry in a day and a half, I sat down to re-tackle a seminary textbook that I was assigned sections of and struggled with--A Black Theology of Liberation. James Cone does not mince words, y'all. I felt a lot more comfortable being uncomfortable hearing him, this time around. I've been getting better, the last few years, at understanding that the black church does not owe the white church any niceties. If you're a theology student, read this. If you're not, maybe don't start with this. 

Fortunately for my Lenten discipline, the book we read at work in anticipation of this year's St. Augustine lecture was Holy Currencies. The Rev. Dr. Eric Law is an Episcopal priest, the son of Chinese immigrants, and the founder and executive director of the Kaleidoscope Institute--an organization committed to multiculturalism (not lip service to multiculturalism) in congregations and faith-based organizations. If you're a leader or a member or a neighbor, read it. He's also written six others, so check those out, too.

I am really bummed that I only read one book by a woman in this Lenten season, but I somehow only read four books. (Commence eye rolls, I know.) Zadie Smith, fortunately, is no small feat. This collection of essays, Changing My Mind, is appropriately subtitled "occasional essays" because it's an amalgam of things she wrote for a variety of publications on a variety of occasions. Some of them (the literary criticism) are hard to access; some of them (movie reviews) are laugh-out-loud-can't-underline-fast-enough hi-lar-ious. Read it, and her other books, as soon as you can get your hands on 'em.


Tweeting

Yes, twitter. It is its own category, because it is a crazmazing place for racial justice and racism and words and wounds to coalesce. I started the season by going through the list of users I follow (nearly 900 people, yikes) and unfollowing all the white men I couldn't remember why I followed. So. Many. White. Male. Journalists. I consider myself an informed member of the electorate, and so following a zillion political journalists is like, in line with that. But when an overwhelming majority of them are white men who write for the same-ish publications, that's not news. That's an echo chamber. So, goodbye those guys.

Next, I was fortunate to come across a list called something like "the best black journalists you should be following on twitter" or something seriously that specific. So I clicked, and clicked. As the #BlackLivesMatters movement has continued to grow, I have been following more activists and making sure that I get as much info from folks on the ground as I get from folks at 30 Rock. I also looked at who my favorite black voices were lifting up, and followed as instructed. It's been helpful. Do it.

You're expecting some handles, I can tell. My real entry into black twitter has come through the great people at Buzzfeed, so follow these people and everyone they tell you to follow: @theferocity @brokeymcpoverty @heavenrants @hayesbrown @aaronmedwards. Oh, and definitely follow @ismashfizzle even though she doesn't work there anymore. 

Ayesha Sidiqqi is a Muslim woman who is fascinating and relentless in her pursuit of all things just and feminist. Follow her @pushinghoops.

If you scroll through #BlackLivesMatter you'll find some gems; I love following @deray @bdoulaonlongata @ReclaimHolyWeek (which may be less relevant now, but there's one every year, haha) @keenblackgirl, and everyone they interact with. You just have to dive in, I think.


Listening

This Lenten season invited me into the noughties (that's what Zadie Smith calls 2000-2009 and I'm so into it) via the world of podcasts. I tabled my NPR-or-bust lifestyle and sought out black, female voices in particular. [Sidebar that's maybe also the thesis: I noticed that black women's voices in particular were still the hardest to find in "mainstream" media sources.] Y'all, I have found black female excellence in podcast form.

Black Girls Talking is literally four black girls talking to each other. Alesia, Fatima, Aurelia, and Ramou spend an hour or so every couple weeks or so (if there's a rhyme and reason, I haven't figured it out yet) talking about what's happening in the culture around them. They are dedicated fans of black girl excellence on television--their "How to Get Away with Murder" and "Empire" recaps make it so I don't think I have to actually watch. Their takedown of the Jessica Williams imposter syndrome article lady was so informative to me about how white feminism does such a disservice to black women. I learn from them every episode.

On Call Your Girlfriend, Aminatou and Ann (50% black female excellence, 100% fantastic) chat from across the country about their jobs, the state of the world, feminism, and periods. They're long distance BFFs like me and most of my BFFs, which makes me feel great about them. They are unabashed women, which makes me feel great about them. If you like laughing about being an adult but not really being an adult, and learning about awesome feminist documentarians here and there, listen in. 

A late addition to the game, but a new forever favorite is Another Round, hosted by Heben and Tracy, easily my favorite Buzzfeed ladies, easily the greatest combination of things that make black female excellence. They host other rad black women, Tracy tells corny jokes, they drink margaritas, they tell stories about what had happened...it's so good. You have to listen. They're only three episodes in, so you can easily join the club.

Oh, and Conversations about Conversations About Race should be on this list, too, even though it's also not exclusively black female excellence (it includes two dudes, one of whom is white) and is brand new. Their first episode came out last week, so they weren't necessarily part of my Lenten learning experience, but they're part of my lifetime of learning. 


Watching

Tonight, #BlackGirlsRock was on BET. Fortunately, excellent black girls (@iSmashFizzle, for one) live in other time zones and so alerted me to what was going to be on my television a few hours later. I am so glad. 

For the season of Lent, I have been increasing my consumption of media by people of color and black women in particular as best I can, and fasting from the redundant whiteness that appears in front of me. The Black Girls Rock Awards 2015 felt so appropriately like the Easter of that. It reminded and continued to teach me about the voices of black women who are overpowered by white/male voices in my everyday life. 

Thanks be to God and to the amazing women (and men) of color who have carried me through on this journey. Certainly my Lenten discipline has ended, but it has opened my eyes. I have been changed by the experiences I have been privileged to read about and hear about these past six weeks. 

Sure, I have still been immersed in whiteness, but I feel like I am noticing how white my world is in a different way, and intentionally replacing some of it. Not just tabling it until the end of Lent, either. I don't need to "catch up" on the things that I "missed." (Full disclosure, that was my original plan, and I had a handful of articles tabled to my Reading List for this moment. No more.)

This fast gave me an excuse to dive into the rich world of authors, filmmakers, journalists, musicians, politicians, theologians, and human persons who are all around me and yet whose voices I do not hear. I am listening, now. Are you?

I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.

Just got home from seeing Selma.

Lord, have mercy.

I can't stop thinking about the babies. Those little girls, just talking about getting their hair wet at their baptisms and—BOOM—silenced. How senseless. How disgusting. How terrorizing, inhuman.

Adults who marched—to their deaths, for some—had, at the very least, consented to demonstrate, consented to stand up and defy injustice and risk their lives for freedom. But those babies. Those precious girls. It won't leave my head.

At one point, Dr. King phoned Mahalia Jackson and she sang to him, late at night:

Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.
Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me on.

I wept. I sang, silently, along. What else can I say? What else can I do? Take my hand, precious Lord.

I resonated so deeply with every gospel call in the film. Of course I did. That's why they said those things. That's why we say those things. We quote our scriptures and sing our hymns to remind ourselves that we are not alone. We are not the first to seek the comfort and encouragement of God, and we will not be the last.

I cannot say, like was said to Corretta, that I come from a legacy of courageous black folks who survived and pushed forward—and were beaten and murdered—to prepare the way for me. But even as a white pastor, I do come—quite directly—from a legacy of courageous white folks who heard Dr. King's cry and stood by his side to march—from Selma to Montgomery, in fact—to seek the same justice for their friends and neighbors.

The two pastors who raised me were—and are—tireless advocates for racial equality in the United States. They taught me to use the power and privilege I have to defend and promote the gospel—and with it, every child of God.

For Pastor Bill, Pastor Ray, Dr. King, and all who share the faith, I proclaim the Gospel of liberation, equality, love, and justice.

That is my call. That is my vocation. That is my challenge. That is my job. Thanks be to God.