Yesterday, in Process Theology, which I think is going to be
my favorite class ever, we talked about God as relational. And also that our
feelings are not just our individual feelings, but they are the feelings
between us and those with whom we are in relationship. And that it is our most
intimate relationships in which we are our most real selves – including our
ugliest selves, and most hurt selves. Our professor talked about how process
thought has space for tragedy that is not found in other Christian theologies.
And that it holds loss in a way that others fundamentally cannot. This is
because losses are never seen as errors God could have avoided, but rather
events in the relationship between us and God that we will carry with us on our
way to becoming. And just as we are becoming, God is becoming. God is none of
the “omnis” of our dogma. God is in process, just as we are in process.
And I really dug that. I really held on to the part about
being our ugliest selves with those with whom we are most intimate. Because
there are days when I am angry and hurt and know that I am wrong. And it is in
those instances where I am just terrible that I just want to sit with the person who will look at me and get that. And when everything is shit with
you and I can just feel it radiating from you that you hate everything and
especially me, I am the one with whom you should sit.
I cannot do or say anything that will make it better. I
cannot do or say anything that will make it right. I cannot do or say anything
that will alleviate this, your deepest hurt. But of all people, I am the one
who knows that. And who knows that you know that.
And in that same hurt, we can sit with God and not have to
throw it at God or at each other anymore. We can just carry it with us on our
way.
I carry you with me on my way, you know. At the same time
that you carry me with you. Isn’t it nice to admit that?