Last week, at the hospital, I listened in on a conversation between a family and their case manager talking about their options for the end of their loved one's life. He'd come in to the hospital five days prior, and been diagnosed with lung cancer, metastasized to his bones, blood, liver, and lymph nodes. Essentially no prognosis to speak of -- he's actively dying. Some members of the family want to take him home. Others want radiation and chemo. Others want hospice. I'm not sure which people were which, but there was his wife, brother, sister-in-law, best friend, and best friend's wife. I don't know who was closest to him or who knew what his wishes were. The wife seemed the least realistic, which simultaneously did and did not surprise me.
"One doctor said 'days'...so I feel like the point is moot."
"Comfort care is only for two days. Why move him to hospice so he can spend four days there? Why not just those few days at home?"
"We'd like to make choices this afternoon."
"Who would have the control?"
"Do you know what your insurance covers?"
"We're also trying to process this in a short amount of time."
"None of us is getting any younger."
Does your family have a plan? I'm not trying to be a mega downer, here, friends. But I've been sitting with a lot of people whose families don't know what they want or don't know what to do even if they have some vague instructions from their loved ones. Hospice? Home? Aggressive treatment? DNR? Chemo? Comfort care? Palliative radiation? So. Many. Choices. And so many different family members with so many ideas of what is "best" or what a patient "would want."
And maybe you're 25 so it seems like 1000 years away. But maybe ask your mom what she'd want if she had cancer. Or maybe ask your parents what they'd want for each other. It's quite a conversation to have, I know. But it seems like so much better safe than sorry. Especially if you have a few siblings to argue about it with. Plus their spouses. It may seem so random to you to be reading this, but it's the life I'm living every day this summer, so I've been thinking about it a lot.
Also, before you think about all of this end-of-life stuff, remember how great your life is. Remember how precious each of your family members is. Each of your dearest friends. Remember every minute you've ever spent loving them without either of you doing anything. Smile about that. Smile about that a lot. I'm not saying go run and hug everyone you love for fear that they'll die. But every time you hug someone you love, mean it. Every time you want to smile just because they exist, do it. Make memories every minute.
"One doctor said 'days'...so I feel like the point is moot."
"Comfort care is only for two days. Why move him to hospice so he can spend four days there? Why not just those few days at home?"
"We'd like to make choices this afternoon."
"Who would have the control?"
"Do you know what your insurance covers?"
"We're also trying to process this in a short amount of time."
"None of us is getting any younger."
Does your family have a plan? I'm not trying to be a mega downer, here, friends. But I've been sitting with a lot of people whose families don't know what they want or don't know what to do even if they have some vague instructions from their loved ones. Hospice? Home? Aggressive treatment? DNR? Chemo? Comfort care? Palliative radiation? So. Many. Choices. And so many different family members with so many ideas of what is "best" or what a patient "would want."
And maybe you're 25 so it seems like 1000 years away. But maybe ask your mom what she'd want if she had cancer. Or maybe ask your parents what they'd want for each other. It's quite a conversation to have, I know. But it seems like so much better safe than sorry. Especially if you have a few siblings to argue about it with. Plus their spouses. It may seem so random to you to be reading this, but it's the life I'm living every day this summer, so I've been thinking about it a lot.
Also, before you think about all of this end-of-life stuff, remember how great your life is. Remember how precious each of your family members is. Each of your dearest friends. Remember every minute you've ever spent loving them without either of you doing anything. Smile about that. Smile about that a lot. I'm not saying go run and hug everyone you love for fear that they'll die. But every time you hug someone you love, mean it. Every time you want to smile just because they exist, do it. Make memories every minute.